Happy thoughts

Just yesterday, I received a cold, uncalled for slap in the face. While rooting through my backpack in search of gym shoes, I came across red-wrapped vestiges of a former sexually active life. I considered tossing them but ultimately decided to let them be, for what reason, though, not even I know. My chances of meeting someone are somewhat diminished given an inability to make sustained eye contact with members of the opposite sex. (Guess the movie I more or less lifted that descriptively true line from and I will dedicate a post to your genius.) My aloofness and misogyny know no bounds. They conspired for nearly eight years to condemn me to a life of involuntary celibacy, a fate unbefitting of even the most despicable of our species. After slumbering briefly, they have reemerged, bent on subjecting me to depression and misery. I am truly blessed.